I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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