His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
