I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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