she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
