dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize