I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
