Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
