Do you still have your period?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
