i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
