Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize