There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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