Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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