soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
