I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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