It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
