They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
