i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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