Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
