i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
