Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
