i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
