OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
