Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
porn star boner night. come get it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
