I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
