I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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