I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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