i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
