One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
