I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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