You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
