god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize