Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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