i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
