I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
