I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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