Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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