Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
