Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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