Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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