some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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