is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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