I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it was like eating out sand paper
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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