Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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