I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish you could order shots online.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
