what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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