she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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