walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
