Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
