WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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