I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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