um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
