Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
