I showed him my bush... on skype.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come back. Shots need mouths.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
