There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Damn victory sex feels great
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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