she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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