i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
