i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
