I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
two words...techno handjob
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
