So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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