Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
