So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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