If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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