Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
