It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
