Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
