she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
