I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
