were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
