i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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