I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
