Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
