i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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