I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
